Tuesday, January 26, 2010

BON VOYAGE PAPA..........

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So sorry for the long lapse since my last blog... for I have lost a huge piece of my life...

On the 21st of Jan the world has lost one of its angel to heaven. Exactly 3.09am my father Kok Sin Fee passed away peacefully. After a month of in and out of hospital my father lost his battle with lung cancer. I have to say the pain, me and my family went through was indescribable. No words can even explain the pain and agony that we are going through. I am really grateful for everyone that gave a helping hand and those that sent their condolences. What I am going to write here is not about how he passed away but on how he has lived his life...

This was my eulogy I gave when I was at my father's funeral.

"I keep on looking at that coffin and I still cant believe that my papa is in there. I am really grateful to have lived with a great man like my father. How great is my father? If I were to tell you how great he was, you all have to sit here for 28 years coz every minute of my life has my father's name written all over it. To me he is not only a great father, husband, brother or a friend but to me he is our angel. Guarding and guiding us all the way.

Let me tell you the things he did for me. He would take his time to spend with me and my sister everyday after work. He would sit down and ask me how was school. He would play and make sure I will be happy and comfortable. I remember back in school when I was to go for my school camp, two weeks before he would ask me to start packing my bag. I would linger and wait and slack. Till 2 days before my camp I didn't even packed yet. The next morning when I wake up I would see two small bags filled with toiletries like tooth brush, those traveling tooth paste, mini soaps, mini shampoo, pen knife, medicated oil all in that bag. My dad would pack all of them just in case i forgotten them. Thats how detailed and dedicated he was to me.

My sister would watch the tv and saw a McD's ad where there is a collectible promotion going on. He would see my sis so excited about it that he basically lined up almost every week to get my sis one piece of the collection. My sis would say no need but he will say "On the way from my office only ma" No words spoken but just action made. You wouldn't get anymore dedication than that.


Why I said that my father is an angel? it is because he has a heart of gold. Why? Let me tell you a story... he used to work in the heart
of KL at the Bangkok Bank building. Knowing there are alot of nice coffee shop around there. He would usually go to anyone of the coffee shop to have his fav dish. All the workers at the shop knows my dad so well that they call him a gentle giant. As normal coffee shops in KL during lunch time would be packed with people and as usual there will be old ladies or alcoholic begging for money to buy food. Instead of giving them money and ask them to go off... my dad will instead pull out the chair and ask them to sit down and he will ask what they wanted to eat... go order and he will pay for them... not once but everytime if they come across him.... Thats just one of the small things he has done. Taken advantage? thats what most people think but he said that he did it from his heart. Some people like to splurge tens of thousands to a charity foundation. Some would like to brag about how much he helped the needy.. but not my dad. He would always be the first to offer his help, not only monetary wise but also physically and never even said a word about it. For most people this small things may be insignificant but to the people my dad touched... it meant the world. It is all this little things that piled up to be a mountain. He always thought me this "what we have and people don't have... share it with them".

He thought me so many things for instance when I just started work and he see me struggling with my new job... I was down and sad. He
would call me and ask me come to his room. Then he told me this Cantonese lines "yan yat si, fung pheng wong cheng... yung yat phou, hoi fut thin hung". Which directly translated as "be patient, all peaceful n calm... give way, the sky is open". I've been living with this line ever since not only at work but also in life.

My father would always try to make us laugh. For instance few months back when I was watching football with him. He suddenly turn to me and ask me "Why Gorilla got big nose?" I would look at him in amazement then he will say "because they got big fingers..." . He would crack me up every time. That is one thing i miss him most too...

As I got home after the day he left us I realised that everything in my house has my father's touch imprinted on it. All the little things he did around the house that we didn't noticed and now that he is gone... we all miss it so much... the smell of his fresh coffee, the cleaned car and so many more....


I am pretty sure most of you that managed to cross path with him would have nothing bad to say about him either as he is one of the most selfless, dedicated, funny and detailed man i've ever met. I really miss him so much, I really love him so much... Even till his very last breath he was still trying to make us happy.... he stopped breathing at 3am but his heart was still beating... my sis and I was calling him to breath.. breath... cmon breath.... he took one last breath 3 minutes later.... for us.... for us........ It was then we knew it was it.... my papa has left us to embark on a new journey....

Right now in this very moment let us all make a promise that since my papa has shared so much light with us... lets make a promise to pass on the ligh
t and brightness to the people around us. Lets not let what my dad believe in goes to waste. For me... from today onwards I make a promise to my dad that I wont make the people around me feel uncomfortable... I wont make them cry unless its tears of joy... I shall be the light in the time of darkness... the tears that I am shedding now will be the last tears for my dad as of now we are going to smile and celebrate the life of one of the noblest man we've ever met. Me and my family are thankful that we have the privilege to be showered with love by an angel sent by GOD himself... for that I thank you all......."

Papa we will miss you dearly....

My dad's favourite song....



I know I am not an Avril Lavigne fan but this song truly spelled the words I am feeling now...


12 comments:

Crazy.Souled said...

my deepest sympathy to you and your family..

junsern said...

thanks... really appreciate it

Wo Shi Nicole aka MsXeRoZ said...

Be strong~!

kenwooi said...

so sorry to hear about this news..
may your dad rest in peace..
and may you and your family stay strong!

Aj said...

RIP to your dad. May his soul rest in peace

Princess Jennifer said...

Hi Junsern,
I am so sorry about what had happened to you. I understand how that feel as I lose my both grandfathers last year in just one month time. I am so close to my maternal grandfather as I am also one of his favourite grandchild. His lost meant so much to me that it took me very long before I could stand up and face the world again.

But from I see, you're such a strong man which I really admire. Keep it up.

P/s - media owner?? Wanna hire new staff??? me me me... (I am serious)

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
DC said...

Junsern, I'm sorry to learn about your loss.

Please be strong.

Kelvin said...

My condolences.

cleffairy said...

=( You just made me cry. I cannot imagine loosing my daddy. =( I go and sob sob first, den only come back here to read again.

Please stay strong, and I believe that your Papa never truly left you for he lived in your memories. I'll pray for you and your family, and may God bless your dear Papa's soul.

junsern said...

thank you all. appreciate it

Anonymous said...

Hello. And Bye.

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