Tuesday, July 07, 2009

ding dong bell

It is just that time when everything in life is not in place at all. Its not that I am bitching or grumbling about life but somehow I felt that suddenly my life is not going as I planned. Just annoying. Financially, emotionally, and physically! Just cant seem to get it right!

I just want to have something going smoothly but nooooooooo... its just not! My job is draining my life force! personal life? hmmm... not going too well too. Financially I have planned my entire month but somehow I just cant save any money! instead I have to spend almost my entire months pay for something that I dont have any return at all. Argh! just so annoying. I guess most of us are underpaid. I used to enjoy what I am doing but now... its just surviving. barely... The living standard in KL is just killing me man...

Emotionally... I am tired... just not the happy-go-lucky bloke that i used to. I cant find the joy in life anymore. Everything i do, i have to worry about the consequences. i guess that is what we call growing up. A fucked up thing i can tell you. Sometimes I just wonder that whatever I do does anyone appreciate it? Do they actually see the distance I have to go just to make everyone happy? Or am I doing it wrongly? I am tired... plain freaking tired. I dont want to run away... that is just a coward's move... but as Starscream from Transformers said "Not that I'm calling you a coward, but cowards do survive..." . I have a feeling that I put others so much that I forgotten about myself. Too much giving and too little taking. But its just not me, I love seeing the people I love and cherish happy. But somehow, I feel that my soul is not fed. I lose power more than I gain. All I want is the appreciation.

Physically... I am overweight... sometimes hate my body... want to find time to lose weight but this issue seems to elude me. I know whatever I said is just an excuse. I need space to operate! Arrgh! I feel sorry for mah babe as I promise to lose weight which I did but its not enough. I want to enrol in a gym but financially I cant afford. I want to wake up early in the morning to jog but I am just too tired as I need to travel far to my work place. god damn! excuses again! I need to find my drive... the motivation... and the encouragement! and!!! the right formula! fucking hell!

What happen to the old me?! i want to go for a vacation but cant afford it! I guess I need to go do some soul searching... to find back my old self esteem and motivation. I am a mortal now... I have lost my immortality...

1 comment:

Chong said...

Take a short roadtrip. It helps a lil.

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