Thursday, April 12, 2012

Passion vs the world

I am sure most people here have had a dream when they were young or younger that they wanted to be something or someone. Then as the time goes by, these dreams start to deteriorate and slowly you are consumed into this big machine called the working world. 

Some followed their dreams and passion, some made it some don't. But the saddest thing is when someone have to let go of their dreams or passion because of how fucked up the real world is. Its either you follow or get out of the way. Majority of the society don't really recognise these people. They acknowledge it but never recognise it. Why? look at some of the best musicians we have. Are they earning enough? or some of the best artist, do they get enough exposure?

Its a sad world, take me for example. I always have the love for the arts and media. I am working the "dream:" job that I wanted. But it is just not making ends meet. Every month I barely scrape through and at times I have to do what some say "ikat perut" aka tie your stomach or really live on a budgeted lifestyle. Lots of people ask me "why do I still stay there? you work so much and so hard and get paid so little" . My answer? its simple...  passion and believe. I love what I am doing and I really believe that it will pay off soon. Some say I'm stupid, some say I don't dare to make the leap. But how many of you get to do what you really dream to do as a kid?

A lot of people think that working in the media is a glamourous job and surely earning the big bucks. I can tell you... NO! Only a handful are making the big bucks. The rest like us... are just doing what we can do only to be paid lesser than most perceived. 

Its really straining especially when living in an expensive city like KL with the pay that you are getting.  As much as you love what you are doing but you have to live and sometimes the thought of just giving up all and just join the money making bandwagon and earn my big bucks. Its like selling your soul to the devil. 

I was a basketball fanatic when I was a kid. I would stay back after school everyday and play 3-4 hours before I got home. I still remember the day when I hurt my back really bad and when I met the doctor and he ask me to STOP playing basketball because it will aggravate my back even more and worse being unable to stand straight. I had to give up and let go and it was one of the most depressing thing I have to make. 

I don't want to go through it again. I am doing what I love now but the cruel world is pushing me to the edge. At times I think whether is it worth it? Putting all this effort and time for something that doesn't really appreciate you? I sometimes envy some of my friends who just went with the flow and earn the big bucks. Whereas you sit here in the darkness doing what you love and earning peanuts.

I started to think back what my dad told me once when he was promoted "I rather get a pay raise then get a promotion, coz you get paid slightly more but you have work very much more!" 

The fire in my heart is starting to fade but the fire in my belly is starting to rise... should I switch? should I let go? should I just give up my dreams? 

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