Wednesday, August 04, 2010

Malaysian Drivers... You Fucking Asshole

After reading Jun Sern's post, I too had the inspiration to write my loooong overdue article on Malaysian Drivers. Like he said, they are 99% retarded. Sure, there are a few shinning stars out there who are courteous and have the decency to understand that he or she is not the only driver out there, but the rest of you motherfuckers can't drive, shouldn't drive and should be strapped onto a satellite and shot into orbit. Here's my top 10 worst things to expect while driving on a Malaysian road:

1. The Glider. The glider is a term I've given to those assholes who drive in the middle of two fucking lanes. Let me give you fuckers some advice... Pick a lane and stick to it. These people are driving lallalalla without checking their mirrors, without realizing they're taking up two lanes, just going about like they fucking own the road. You know what I do, I drive real fast until I'm right next to them and I blast my horn at full blast! And the effect is always the same, they will veer off to one side of the road, as if someone woke them up from the stupor that is their feeble little rodent like minds and they almost always lose their control of the car for a few seconds as you see the car skid before they get back to reality and take control, but still not realizing what douchebags they've been. I hate fucking gliders. But I'm into thinking positive and hoping that you fuckers will learn your lesson and stop gliding. Think positive is all I can hope besides hoping that positive is what your AIDS result is. Now bite a bullet and leave the rest of us alone stupid.

2. The 100 pound girl in the 1 ton SUV. Now we all know women can't drive. But if you go to Bangsar at around 10am, the time when the Stepford Wives of Bangsar arise from their slumber to drive around the place while carrying out their meaningless lives, you can see this phenomenon. Its always the same bloody type of person. The woman who married rich and now doesn't work or has somekind of shitty NGO or teaching job just to validate their meaningless existence as a non contributing member of society while siphoning their husband/boyfriend/ baby daddy/sugar daddy's money buying shit they don't need while sipping their lattes. Fucking your lattes you primordial self absorbed cunt-bitches. Get a smaller car!!! Its obvious you can't fucking control that monster SUV your booboo bought you. The way they drive, nearly killing children and all people as they veer their monstrosities like rampaging bulls across the street, I hope you get Hostel'd by a goblin-midget from outerspace.

3. Masters of Reality. These deluded bunch of assholes buy cheap Protons or Peroduas, then modify it into some atrocity to both the eye and ear, sore to look at and even worse to hear as they drive these pieces of shit cars with no silencers, idiotic paintjob plus decals and other assortment of modified parts. You're not a formula one driver, you're not some sort of Fast and Furious actor, you're a zero who lives with his mother. The only reason you do this is cuz your primordial reptilian minds have been warped so far away from reality that you think this is gonna get you laid. And I hope you get laid. I hope you get drunk and some tranny clown comes and shoves a rubber animal in your ass. And who are these people who are masters of reality? its always the same people. guys. cuz no girl will ever do something like this. guys who have a limited vocabulary of 100 or so words with the brainpower of a decaying sloth. i hope the she-clown visits you tonight.

4. Motorcyclists. I hope a supervirus comes out and kills all you fuckers dead. None of you know how to fucking ride your bikes. These bunch of savages... Well, no need for me to explain what they do, you've all seen it. I can tell what some of these zero, waste of sperm do. Drive too fast, hit your car, then fuck off without stopping. fuck you. drive too slow in front of you, preventing you from getting to your destination on time cuz they are jealous that you're in a car and they're on a bike. should have studied harder at school stupid. fuck you. and as an Indian guy, I can honestly say this... For me, these fuckers are always 99% Indian. You've all heard of the Indian crab mentality. Well this is it hard at work. the loser, sees an Indian person behind the wheel and deliberately slows down thinking in his small puny mind that he's showing me. well i tell you what, how bout i show you the finger and where your wife's clitoris is, cuz its obvious you have never sexually stimulated her to point of orgasm and that's why she's cheating on you with a tranny clown. fuck you. then there's what i call the lalallalala biker who rides around looking at everything but the road. i hope you don't see that truck in front of you and go flying like a rocket into the river down below as you're crossing a bridge and i hope that mutated crocodile piranhas are waiting for you. fuck you.

5. Dreamers. These assholes are the worst. When the light turns green, you have one second to get moving. Don't fucking take forever to fucking get your ass moving. Daydreaming, changing he cd, texting, tweeting, putting on lipstick, shaving their pubic hair, god knows what these idiots do when the light is red. i tell you what they're not doing. looking at the light. it always amazes me that when i'm the first car at a red light, and it turns green, i'm gone so fast, that i'm a good hundred feet away before any other car has even moved. wake up people. if you are this slow mentally when it comes to a fucking light, how are you gonna survive an apocalypse? you won't and thank god cuz the human race will be spared your fucking genes. your mother should have swallowed instead of letting your father spill is retard seed in her cun----

alright before i get a stroke, ill stop here. stay tune for the next five types of asshole drivers in my next post, including the P-Driver, the Trucker, The Jakun, the Jukebox and Hershey Highwaymen. Rhasta out...

5 comments:

Kelvin said...

Agreed totally with point 2...there should have a law that forbids women to drive.

koRnholio said...

they should have laws that makes women take agility, common sense, and quick thinking exams

cleffairy said...

Nah... when it comes to driving, both Malaysian men and women are both the same. Asshole on the road. Malaysia Boleh to you, my friend. Malaysia Boleh.Boleh blah, that is.

Ceyhan49Productions said...

you forgot signal when change lanes, u forgot signal at junction and corners... you forgot how fast they drive while coming out at a corner... dude.... you forgot how when you drive slow at a bump they start to potong you or try to push you forward... cmon its a bump... that bump gets the car broken if you dont slow down... and they dont even know how much it cost to repair it... wow about RM1000 for two sets of absorbers and lower arm wow... wowow... bro lets make a community... one day we'll make a convoy or something... i dont know im just tired right now..

SS2 said...

Not a day goes by that some asshole cuts in front of me.

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