Saturday, January 08, 2011

2010... the year that changed my life forever...

I thought 2009 was bad but 2010 was a freaking fucked up year for me. Basically it was the year that made me hollow inside suddenly. My life was suddenly changed in many many ways... I realised I ususally do a year end review so this is the story of my 2010... (click here)

Basically lets track slightly back... Dec 2009... Suddenly my dad collapsed. took him to the hosp and found out he had lung cancer. My heart crushed... his sudden weight loss from a 85kg man to 52kg in matter of months and it breaks my heart. This is the first time my dad actually tried to attend my birthday but walked out halfway... coz he was very uncomfortable. I left my family at my dinner and took my dad home. My birthday wish was that my dad miraculously heal. Then came Christmas day, my mom, aunt and sis went to church to pray for my dad and suddenly I've gotten a call from my cousin sis that my youngest uncle collapsed. Right after I put down the phone and was about to talk to my dad and my cousin sis told me that my uncle is gone... my fav uncle is gone... he was the closest sibling to my mom. It was so difficult to break the news to my mom, coz I dont know how she would have taken it. She was still in Church with my sis and aunt... I was really really really devastated. I dont know how to react... i just sat in my room and wept and wept. The void has became more apparent... I felt something was wrong ever since my little Odie passed away april 2009.

My mom and sis rushed back to Alor Setar to pay my uncle their last respect and I took the duty to look after my dad which was already quite weak. He could not sleep at night as his chest was really uncomfortable. So at times I stayed up all night accompanying him. While he fell asleep I quietly sat at the corner of the room just looking at him hoping to see him as much as I can, not missing a moment. The new year came... no celebration or whatsoever. I didnt have the mood nor the interest... all I want was to sit by my dad and talk to him. My mom and sis came back 1 week later. Then it was time to take my dad for a follow up check up to see when we can start chemotherapy. It was on the 15th of Jan that we went to University Malaya Medical Center hoping to see the famous Oncologist. But just as we wanted to start the week after my father couldnt wait any longer. He passed away peacefully on the 21st January at 3.09am... My pillar of strength was gone just like that. For a moment I could not accept it. I was in disarray. I lost my direction and I lost my motivation. It was the darkest moment of my life. My void in my heart has gotten bigger. I lost hope... But thank god for my mom sis and my aunts. We stood by each other and I was now the man of the house. My dad was 63. (click here)

February was a a solemn one. No Chinese New Year for the first time in my life and for the first time. Both in Ipoh and Alor Setar. Was the gloomiest month as the after effect hit me. Was putting on a fake happy face during my office celebration. My heart wasnt there. But I told myself that my father wouldnt want me to look like this.

March was starting to calm down and it was still very solemn. Nothing much happened. My dad's cover stone for his urn was completed. Carrying his urn from the casket shop to his final resting place was heart wrenching. Putting him in and putting his favourite stuffs was even more worse. I have to be strong for my mom and sis. We stood there with tears dropping by our cheeks. It was the last time I held him. The cold and motionless urn... During this month we also started to pack up my dad's things and the emptiness of the house if felt. No one was smiling. No one was as chatty as we used to. Somehow it felt empty... This was the month I was admitted to hospital as I suffered anxiety attack. Suddenly I was breathless. I first thought it was a heart attack coz my heart was pumping so hard I thought it was gonna burst! This is because I drowned myself with work. Perhaps it was caused by worry, not enough sleep and depression. This was the month a tribute ending for my dad was made in my cartoon This Town. This is why I care for my friends so much.

April was my dad's 100th day. We tried to cheer each other up and we are slowly accepting the fact and grasping reality. Now its my grandma's turn to fall ill. She was basically in and out of hospital during this month. This is because her body has stop producing blood and her sodium is constantly dropping. But it was alright.

During May, we received another sad news. My grand uncle, grandma's youngest brother has gotten very critical due to his lung cancer too. And finally he lost his battle too. He was such a caring man. Always there when we needed help whenever we are in Ipoh and now he is gone. He was 72. This time we tried to console my grandma as she is very close to him. I can practically see my grandma's health deteriorated. Two of the men that is always there to help her has gone, losing to the same cause. This is the first time I saw my grandma wept. She didnt wanted to talk to anyone. She just lay there and wept. It was so sad to see my weaken grandma so sad. I know there was nothing much we can do but to console her and let her know we are all there for her. My gf on the other had tried to cheer me up by bringing me to Redang. It was a getaway to take my mind of things. A time off as I was constantly running around since my dad's passing.(click here)

June was my gf's birthday. Celebration was low key. Didnt have the mood to celebrate anything. But I took her to have a nice meal.

July was the month we started to try taking our minds off by preparing my sis's wedding. Went for food testing. Arranging for the door gifts and started printing the invitation cards and list. I was trying to keep my mind occupied with work and work and work. Middle of the month was some relief for me. Got a last minute media invitation to cover the Sarawak Rain Forest Festival. Spend 5 days there covering the event and it was all sponsored. It was a great event. Then came the end of the month. Went to Bangkok for a 3 days 2 nite to celebrate my friends bachelor nite. Drank and drank like a mad fella. (click here)

August, was a slightly exciting month. First was my friends wedding. That was one crazy week as we are all thick in the preparation of the wedding. Then came the wedding. Awesome stuff. Right after my friends wedding, I was then preparing for my sisters wedding. It was the final preparation. My family was all excited and suddenly there was a buzz again. My grandma has gotten weaker but she was equally excited. But one thing that was a beat down was my colleague that has just joined my division decided to resign. I was back alone again in my department.

September was the month my sister gotten married. The house needed the rush. My house was practically swamped by relatives and friends. Never have I saw so many people at my house. Madness. Then now my sis is married. Suddenly the house felt even more empty as now my sis has moved in with my brother in law. It was a mixed feeling as I was happy and sad at the same time. Happy that my sis got married but sad coz the house is more empty and my grandma's condition gotten even worse. This month was my dad's birthday.

October was the hospital month. My grandma was admitted into hospital. She was now very ill. After checked ups and check ups the doctor said that my grandma has gotten a pelvic cancer and liver cancer. Her kidney was failing and her organs was slowly shutting down one by one. Its so sad to see her lying there like that. She is basically skin and bones and the doctor cant do anything for her coz of the age and her condition. We spend most of the nights after work in the hospital accompanying my grandma. Talking to her and encouraging her. As the days goes by she was like a tree nearing the end of autumn. Each day the leaves slowly wither one by one till the tree was empty. On the final week of the month her condition gotten critical. She was still fighting on and not giving up. But on the 31st of October at 2.10 am... she lost the battle. She was 83. (click here)

We start off November with my Grandma's funeral. We brought her home to Ipoh for the funeral and also where she was buried. When we got back to KL, the house felt so hollow. There wasnt anyone there anymore. So quiet and lonely. We tried to cheer each other up but the fact that we were facing so many passing ons has took the toll on us. It was a very hard thing to grasp. Just so devastating and so empty. End of the month decided to do some charity with my sis and got ourselves involved in a charity treasure hunt. Fun stuff.

December was slightly picking up. Joined a business network and met a few great peoples. And my gf and uni friends took me out for dinner to subtlely celebrate my birthday where I told them I wont celebrate my birthday again as it brings too much memory of my dad. Christmas was really meaningful this year as we celebrated it with my family. This was to cheer ourselves up for the crazy year. New years eve was a slightly more modest yet meaningful celebration. There was no party nor jumping around. Just a nice steamboat with great companies such as my uni mates and gf then adjourned to a game of monopoly to usher the new year. ...

So 2010 was a year that have so many downs and ups and I have to say this was the year I grew up...
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