Friday, January 20, 2006

THINGS U SEE IN DA MOVIES pt2

Things You Would Never Know Without Chinese Swordsman Movies
1. Being the hero's parents will always be unlucky and will usually be killed by enemies when the hero is young and the hero will become an orphan.
2. When a man is wounded and dying, he always manages to catch his breath and speak a few sentences to reveal the killer before dropping his head and being declared dead.
3. Skilled people are able to fly over roof tops, up trees and across distances without any sweat. But when traveling to towns and villages, they still have to walk or ride horses.
4. The heroes need not have to work for money, but will always have gold and silvers with them to pay for their dishes.
5. The heroes and villains will meet each other very often no matter how big the country is and no matter where they are.
6. Healing internal wounds in the body is as easy as sitting down cross-legged, palms on the knees and smoke coming out from the head.
7. They can keep a lot of stuff in their sleeves and waistband and never drop them (carrying especially lots of those gold and silver ingots)

Things You Would Never Know Without Indian Movies
1. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to cleanse his wounds.
2. The hero cannot fall in love with the heroine (vice versa) unless they first perform a dance number in the rain.
3. Once applied, make-up is permanent, in rain or in any other situation.
4. Two lovers can be dancing in the field and out of nowhere, 100 people will appear from god-knows-where and join them in the dance.
5. In the final scene, the hero will discover that the bad guy he is up against is actually his brother and the maid who looked after him is his mother and the chief inspector is his father and the Judge is his uncle and so forth.
6. Key English words used in the movie (usually said out loud between sentences) are No Problem! My God! Get Out!, Shut-up!, Impossible!, Please forgive me!
7. They fall on the ground and roll and roll while singing and come out with different clothing.
8. They can run around the coconut trees, singing, battling eyes-lid, and throwing glances at each other and change clothes all at the same time without being out of breath.

MOVIE GALORE

well i am bored so i came out wit a a few quotes from movies i watched... well i took some off from some other website... but i think some of this is kinda funny.

1. Galaxy Quest
Guy: I'm not even supposed to be here! I'm just Crewman #6. I'm expendable. I'm the guy who dies to show the situation is serious!

Jason: I gave you the "kill" gesture.
Gwen: Yeah, no, you gave me the "we're dead" signal. I was agreeing with you. Like I know where the hold button is!

Guy: Look around you... can you fashion some sort of rudimentary lathe?
As Taggart is being attacked by the Rock Monster in da middle of the desert

2. Austin Powers ; spy who shagged me and international man of mystery
Dr. Evil: Let me tell you a little story about a man named Sh! Sh! even before you start. That was a pre-emptive "sh!" Now, I have a whole bag of "sh!" with your name on it.


Austin Powers: There are only two things in this world that scares me and one is nuclear war.
Basil: What's the other?
Austin Powers: Huh?
Basil: What's the other thing that scares you?
Austin Powers: Carnies. Circus folk. Nomads, you know. Smell like cabbage. Small hands.


Austin: There you are!
Las Vegas Tourist: Do I know you?
Austin: No, but that's where you are, you're there!

Dr. Evil: There's nothing quite like a shorn scrotum. It's breathtaking, really. I suggest you try it yourself.

Dr. Evil: Well, don't look at me like I'm frickin' Frankenstein, give your father a hug.

Vanessa: Mr. Powers, I would never have sex with you, ever! If you were the last man on earth and I was the last woman on earth, and the future of the human race depended on our having sex, simply for procreation, I still would not have sex with you.
Austin Powers: What's your point, Vanessa?

Austin Powers: Jimi Hendrix deceased, drugs. Janis Joplin deceased, alcohol. Mama Cass deceased, ham sandwich.

Dr. Evil: You're not quite evil enough. You're semi-evil. You're quasi-evil. You're the margarine of evil. You're the Diet Coke of evil, just one calorie, not evil enough.


3. Happy Gilmore
Shooter: I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast.
Happy: You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?
Shooter: ...no...

Chubs: I was supposed to be on that tour.
Happy: Well, what happened?
Chubs: They wouldn't let me play!
Happy: Aw, I'm sorry man...cause you're black?
Chubs: Hell no. Damn alligator bit my hand off.


4. Forrest Gump
Forrest Gump: (referring to Apple Computers) He got me invested in some kinda fruit company.

5. Dumb and Dumber
Harry: Yeah I called her up, she gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her, or something, I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.

6. Demolition man
Edgar Friendly: I'm no leader. I do what I have to do - sometimes people come with me.

7.Pee wee Herman
Pee Wee Herman: The mind plays tricks on you. You play tricks back!

8.Matrix
Neo: I know you're out there. I can feel you now. I know that you're afraid... afraid of us. You're afraid of change. I don't know the future. I didn't come here to tell you how this is going to end. I came here to tell how it's going to begin. I'm going to hang up this phone and then show these people what you don't want them to see. I'm going to show them a world without you. A world without rules or controls, borders or boundaries. A world where anything is possible. Where we go from there is a choice I leave to you.

9.Airplane
McCroskey: Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop cigarettes
puffs cigarettes
few moments later
McCroskey: Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop drinking
drinks whiskey
few moments later...
McCroskey: Looks like I picked the wrong week to sniffing glue!
sniffs glue... gets high

Roger Murdock: We have clearance Clarence.
Captain Oveur: Roger, Roger. What's our vector Victor?
Tower voice: Tower's radio clearance, over!
Captain Oveur: That's Clarence Oveur! Oveur.
Tower voice: Roger.
Roger Murdock: Huh?
Tower voice: Roger, over.
Roger Murdock: Huh?
Captain Oveur: Huh?


10. Bad Boys 2
Marcus Burnett: That was reckless, that was stupid, and that was dangerous.
[pauses]
Marcus Burnett: I'm telling Mommy.

Marcus Burnett: You a virgin?
Reggie: Yes, sir.
Marcus Burnett: Good. Keep it that way. Ain't gonna be no fucking tonight.
Mike Lowery: You ever made love to a man?
Reggie: No.
Mike Lowery: You want to?

Capt Howard: I can't believe you guys. Do you get up in the morning, call each other up, 'Good morning, Marcus. Good morning, Mike. How you doin'? Ai'ight. So how we going to fuck up the captain's life today? Gee, I don't know. I don't know. Ooh, look. Over there. Let's kill three fat people and leave them on the street?'

Mike Lowery: Captain, is it possible we can discuss potential reinbursement...
Capt. Howard: The department doesn't cover personal property, that's why we drive police cars


11. Half baked
Brian: Get some sour cream and onion chips with some dip, man, some beef jerky, some peanut butter. Get some Haagen-Dasz ice cream bars, a whole lot, make sure chocolate, gotta have chocolate, man. Some popcorn, red popcorn, graham crackers, graham crackers with marshmallows, the little marshmallows and little chocolate bars and we can make s'mores, man. Also, celery, grape jelly, Cap'n Crunch with the little Crunch berries, pizzas. We need two big pizzas, man, everything on 'em, with water, whole lotta water, and Funyons.
Kenny: That's it?
Thurgood Jenkins: Yeah, get me a box of condoms, and, what was that thing we used to eat back in the day? What was it... oh yeah, pussy.

Cocaine Addict: Marijuana is not a drug. I used to suck dick for coke. Now that's an addiction. You ever suck some dick for marijuana?


*more to come soon......

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

WOMEN ON DA GO!!! shopping faces

Last week i went to this estee lauder staff thingy... dun ask me why... i have to send my mom there and i dowan to waste one more ticket.... so i just followed in... well partly to see any cuun chicks or not la... there are... but after a while i got so bored... and got covered wit the mist of perfumes and body wash.... got slight nausea coz the mix of all kind of perfumes is not good... esp aramis and tommy girl!! so I started to look around and see ppl's reaction... this is wut i see... well mostHave u ever take notice ppl's faces when u go to some events or when something happened? Well i came up wit a lil' sketch well its mostly all on women...






got a few expression that i find kinda funny... so just check it out and see.











some might not be accurate... but cmon... i drew this at 5am in da morning... b4 i dozed off in my bed....












Kinda interesting as u can see all type of faces and ppl...











Interesting? i tink so too... lol. if any of it actually looks like one of u... sorri ya... coincidental...













well the last pic really looks like someone... i dunno la... but i know he looks fimiliar..!














"i love u pumpkin...."
"i love u honey bunny"
"everybody be cool, this is a robbery..."
"any of u f*cking pricks move and i'll execute every mother f*cking last one of u!!!"

-scene from Pulp Fiction b4 d Miserlou song plays-

Friday, January 13, 2006

ROUND ROUND SPINNING ROUND ROUND

Well was kinda bored so i went for my daily cycling trip around my housing area, section 5 and 1. This time its a lil different... i took a camera.... wuakakaka... so this is wut i took while cycling... this is wut i came out... well some place we cant even recognise it...

This is the first picture i took... this is the back lane of my house...




The second pic is according to my fren pohseng he called it the "ham sap long" aka the perverted tunnel. well there are alot of interesting graffiti in it last time... but now its clean... and yes.. if u look closely on the right of the pic... there is a bottle of Chrysanthemum tea.... lol



The third pic is the grand canal... lol.... well its thet small playground near erm... the sau seng lum temple which is near madeleine kindergardens which is next to the gasing roundabout which is the worst place to drive during evenings which is why i am using so many which is in this which is line.....

This fourth pic is the arc of wutever where i just took along the road.... thet jalan keretapi road... the road parallel to old klang road n the railway track. goddddd i am bored... doing this silly things... lol. the last one was the "panggung impian" during my heydays as a football player.... wuakkakaka.... the road 10 field..... where dreams are made and shattered.... with chen kel vin's football.... and cones... lol....! man i missed those days... well we have to look forward and not back.... and dun ask me why i did this also..... this is wut happened if u give a bored man a digital camera...... he just takes lotsa unnecessary photos..... wuakakakka. and of course unecessary amount of rubbish he can write about in his blog....

Thursday, January 12, 2006

THE PERFECT BEING THAT IS NEVER PERFECT

Gals always think that they are not perfect. well hello.... nobody is... some of them.... wait most of them usually think that they are too fat la... "they are this la that la no la... i am this la... cannot la i must not do that la...." wut ever happen to... as i say again... unique! this is the sequel to my "DRESSIN FOR DA PRESSIN" article. some gals are already like a twig and yet they still thinks that they are too fat.... omg... thats y I am saying the magazines are killin this gals! no one is perfect~! they expect them to dress like this look like this and act like this! Guys like slim gal not thin gal! what ever happen to the "sexy curves!" features... nowadays no one is doing it man.... they are going for the wooden plank with two thumb tacks sticking into it look! or like a two mosquito bite bumps look.... lol! and some actually go for the empty vessel look... u know... the one where u can see that they dun have the boobs and they wear a bra cup size that is bigger then their own boobs... yes this fact actually came from a gal itself! how can u expect to be a twig and have boobs at the same time??!?!?!?!?!

then again most man go for personality man... a man likes a gal when he feels comfortable with... of course abit of looks comes in somewhere in there... but then again.... comfortable man... com..for..ta..ble! we dun like to see u starve ur ass of to be a chopstick... eat right n exercise is the key to shredding those weight... no dieticians will ask u to starve... they ask u to eat less! so dun starve!

Sometimes when u tell her "not to eat liao..." she will go... "so u are saying i am fat izzit?" then u said "no la.... dun think so much" then she goes..." so now u are saying i am sensitive la?" ...WARRRGHHH!!!!! stop messing wit our brains!!! stop twisting our words! I know u all think its funny sometimes... but we dont!! we find it.... well... well... nvm.....

I tell u... this gotta stop! once and for all! it is fine that u all are finding perfection but dun drag everyone into it too...

"everything is never perfect... that is why we are humans!, imperfections makes the human being... almost perfect" -junsern 06-

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

THINGS U SEE IN DA MOVIES

1. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
2. All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her.
3. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
4. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.
5. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.
6. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
7. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.
8. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
9. When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet as you take out a note - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
10. If you lose a hand, it will cause the stump of your arm to grow by 15cm.
11. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning, even though the husband and children never have time to eat them.
12. Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames.
13. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.
14. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
15. All single women have a cat.
16. Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
17. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at one.
18. Creepy music coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.
19. Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cuttings - especially if any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident.
20. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involved martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessor.
21. During a very emotional confrontation, instead of facing the person you are speaking to, it is customary to stand behind them and talk to their back.
22. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
23. Dogs always know who's bad and will naturally bark at them.
24. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
25. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers and man eating sharks that will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
26. Having a job of any kind will make all fathers forget their son's eighth birthday.
27. Many musical instruments - especially wind instruments and accordions - can be played without moving the fingers.
28. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
29. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
30. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
31. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
32. in a scary movie the character's house must always have faulty fuse.
33. In a horror movie character always dont switch on the lights when enter the house.
34. Everyone in the school or company are somehow professional dancers.
35. To steal a car just pluck wires under car and stick together to start.
36. Everything goes in slow motion with wind blowing when a beautiful or handsome person walks in or by.
37. vehicle always never notice the person standing in front of the road.
38. Being a hero's loved ones are always unlucky as they usually dies.
39. the lift usually closes rite when u get there when u are in a rush.
40. When they say they are blushing... the face usually doesnt look red.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

THE CYCLE RETURNS


As u can see wut happened during january last year... well this year is better abit but just about an hour ago... i almost got into a depression state again... but thanks to a fren of mine... thanks again. but this is really bothering me... i dont know why... maybe till the day i get to do wut i wanna do even tho its sucked i will still be a happy man coz i know i had tried... but till now i still havent fufill wut i am set to do. my plans since high skool had just gone haywired. everything i planned... all the enthusiasm have just gone like this... this is really a cruel world. they just manage to f*ck u up day in day out. i know there are ppl worst off then me... but i just love to bitch around. i just cant get out of this cycle. it is this that is causing my deteriorating health...... hhehe joking la. still healthy... but i am afraid if this goes on long term sooner or later i will really cause harm to me. well the picture describes all. although its not a masterpiece but this is wut is runnin in my head now... i am facing a long n huge nothing... and at the end of it.... a jagged hill which i know i have to climb it soon after the huge nothing.... i am just lost... just a whole plain huuuuge grass field around me. surrounded by jagged mountains at the horizon....

"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four person are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you."

Sunday, January 01, 2006

2005 the null year pt 2

JANUARY.
one of the worst time of my life... for the first time i actually have a very bad stress period. have to determine the road i take for the coming chapter of my life. its kinda took the toll... i went into semi -depression state... couldnt eat n sleep. but it was all settled due to calming talks from my sis n parents n of course a few frens i dowan to name... thanks u for guiding me thru this dark stage of my life.

FEBRUARY.
chinese new year... new clothes new money! woohoo... n a new lunar year! again nothing happened... chel"mourinho"ski won the league cup n making them the officially hated team n manager of the world. no offence.... u all did it to urselves... other then tat... nothing much happened.

MARCH.
nothing happened... oh ya... my english society interview. interviewed a handful of ppl. well it was kinda fun but then again... it proves if u can bullshit to the max, u can get the nod... sometimes. elected the new board as i step down as prez... FORCES OF NATURE CONCERT.

APRIL.
null month... just stroll around doing nothing. again... oh ya chelski lost to liverfools to the goal that never was... but to us mancunians... its a nightmare as we dowan chelski to win as they will further show their already enlarged cocks! but then again liverfools will go to the finals...ouch! well u know wut tehy will bitch about la... sigh... n chelski won the title for the first time.... ahsos!

MAY.
liverfools beat a f*cked up useless AC milan after milan took a 3-0 halftime lead... ahsos! and i have to listen to them brag brag brag brag brag...and brag about their 5th euro title... 5 izzit... i dunno... *ding*ding* BORING.....

JUNE.
waiting for everyone to finish their exams as i am damn bored... went to spore. played basketball wit my couz n fell in love.... with xbox! kekeke. mom's bday!! HAPPY HAPPY BDAY!

JULY.
my aunt from spore officially got transferred back to KL... so now my house has added another happy soul! and of all thing it was her birthday so it was a 2 in 1 thingy... bday n welcome party!!! n kevin's 21'st bday... HAPPY HAPPY BDAY!!! the start of the plot.... park ji-sung n edwin van der Sar arrives... glazers arrives...

AUGUST.
officially i got two kaki lepak now... started DOTA-ing officially... the plot thickens... aunt got a car.... a chili red wira aeroback...! nice... injured my back again... sigh. sent my dog for grooming... came bek bald! kesian... when he was gone... really missed him... sob sob.

SEPTEMBER.
sis bday n dad birthday n godmother's bday n sis's bf bday!!! HAPPY HAPPY BDAY AGAIN....! went to deuches beirhaus for food... not badd..... gosh... spend damn alot..... but it is for the good cause. SELANGOR TREBLE CHAMPIONS!!!!

OCTOBER.
slow...*slow...* the plot thickens yet again... n now i officially know lawyers are DAMN expensive. just one small thing can cause u a bomb! n became a so called model as my fren says... well they did... i just became a coordinator. got the cash n ciao....!

NOVEMBER.
WORK WORK.... hari raya n deepavali... woohoo fell sick tho... so dun get to go around.... then work work work again. then off to BANGKOK! WOOOHOOO.... sawadeekra

DECEMBER.
MY BDAY.... N MY PAYDAY! thanks for the meal dudes! GRANMA'S BDAY... back to ipoh!
tani for xmas eve... visited frens... the plot ends.... sat at home for new years eve then my first meal for 2006 was a ayam special burger at old town mamak at 2am.

2005 the null year pt 1.

well HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!!! well well.... lets see wut i did during new years eve.... oh ya... celebrating saha scoring Man U's second goal.... boring? i didnt have to go to all the places to watch fireworks... as opposite my place... the children's playground there are somehow fireworks of large... i wonder how they got it... wonder wonder... but again after almost half a year suggesting n planning.... not only the massive "tani" session didnt not happen...nothing else happened... everyone didnt wanted to take the initiative to start off... then some of us just went along alone without telling us... so well... well... this is the result.... in a way its a blessing in disguise n in a way i am not new to this also... i get to spend my ushering new year with family... my new year resolution.... same like the past year"s"<< keep fit, be a better person n not to hurt my back again... other then that?... well lets just say its history... thank you 2005 for the year that never happened!
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